Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
