I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
