Jerry, you need to find god
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
