who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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