all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
