I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
