I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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