when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
