it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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