He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
In other news, I just burned my penis
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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