my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
