I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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