I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
this is an emotional support booty call
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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