You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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