i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
