New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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