Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
