It's Friday. Sex?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
im holly from the hills drunk
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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