I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
