Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Boobs speak an international language.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
