There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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