Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
