'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
