once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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