I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
