k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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