I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
