Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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