she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
