I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
