could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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