No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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