you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
