puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
