What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
