Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
