If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
