does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
