I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
