I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
