isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
