as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
