So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
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