if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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