So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
