Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
