wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
