I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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