My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
