I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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