Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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