I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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