Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
