other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
