tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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