Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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