well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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