i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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