I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
