I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
