I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
