I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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