considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
