So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
