just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
