It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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