My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
