A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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