Already got asked if we're dating
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
