I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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