I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
