Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
