I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
