You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
