im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Your cock deserves a montage
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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