I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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