He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Panties = found
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
